About Nursing Homes

A Step of Dad's Journey

The following experience in a nursing home is a true story, written by Sharon Murphy.

When my father was placed in a nursing home in South Carolina, after being hospitalized for minor surgery and later diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I thought we had done our homework. I had researched facilities through the Internet and the local Alzheimer Association. I had networked with colleagues. Finally, my brother Mike and his family visited some of the homes, and found one they thought suitable.

Following placement and repeated conversations with Dad's nurse his medication was decreased to a fraction of what was originally prescribed, but he was still unable to walk as he did prior to the operation. However, his physical therapy had been stopped because he "didn't follow commands", and I became increasingly worried. How could he follow instructions if he was overmedicated? I made arrangements to fly to South Carolina to assess the situation for myself.

When I entered the facility I was pleased to see it was pretty and clean. However, when we entered through the locked door where residents with dementia resided the hallway was dark and vacant. We walked down the empty hall, until we reached a large sitting area.

Everyone was lined up next to each other around the perimeter of the room and was either sleeping or staring into space. I call it the "nursing home lineup". The Lifetime for Women channel blared on the television, and the only two in the room watching it were the nursing assistants.

Dad was lined up on the far wall. He looked at me, but did not appear to recognize me. "Hi Dad," I said, and Mike added, "You know Sharon, right?" Did I see a faint glimmer of recognition? Or was it my imagination? The rest of the visit we asked "yes" or "no" questions. Dad responded only sometimes.

My heart broke to see him this way. "Wake up Dad," I wanted to scream. This was the man who, at one time, magically walked around the perimeter of our yard on his hands. He was an upside down giant who mesmerized his earthbound daughter with his talent. I would jump with glee encouraging my neighborhood pals to participate in this spectacular event featuring....MY DAD!

The tragedy of reverse alchemy had reduced him to a small, waiflike form, entrapped in an adult-size highchair. Those once sparkling Irish eyes now stared vacantly at me. If your eyes are the windows to your soul what was his soul saying?

I made an appointment to meet with the executive director and director of nurses to discuss my concerns and was met with resistance. The meeting did result in Dad receiving a few more weeks of physical therapy before it was discontinued again. In addition, he had developed a bed sore and was losing weight rapidly.

I knew that he was not receiving the care he needed, and my brother was afraid to voice his opinion for fear of retribution. The only alternative was to transfer him to my facility in Connecticut where I could make sure he received the necessary care. We consequently did that.

Dad eventually was able to walk by himself and gained almost twenty pounds in the first few months at my facility. His bed sore was also healed and he stayed with me for the next year functioning as he had prior to the operation.

The message I would like to share with you is very simple When it comes to the care of a loved one YOU are the "expert". Many times I have had family meetings and eventually realized that the family was right after all. It takes the cooperation of everyone to insure that the person receives the best care possible. The other point is the importance of fighting when you know something is not right.

Don't be afraid of retribution. I repeat, DON'T BE AFRAID! I have asked many other executive directors about this issue and they all agree. The person with the involved family gets more attention and better care. I can only hope if you are faced with a similar situation that you encounter facility staff that will be happy to work with you to improve the quality of life of the one you love.

Sharon came across Senior Approved Services after this event with her father. She is thrilled to know that we exist as advocates for seniors and their families.

If you own or operate a skilled nursing facility and would like to prove to potential clients that you are quality service, with a verified history of safe reliable care, then we welcome you to apply for Senior Approved Certification.

Families appreciate our free service and value the independent third-party validation of your service. Help us help seniors avoid less than desirable nursing home facilities by including your excellent service within our exclusive network.

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