Mother’s Day Card Dilemma – How to Love an Unlovable Mother

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Do You Have a Perfect or Imperfect Mother?

You are standing in front of beautiful cards filled with verses depicting the wonderful loving unselfish love of a mother and none of them quite fit. You’re wondering why the card companies can’t have a special section just for the dysfunctional family.

Truth is, few families ever have the perfect mother. If you ask one of my siblings (including step and half brothers and sisters) you will get 13 different answers. Perception, personal growth, and where he or she landed in the pecking order have much to do with the varied descriptions.

Has your mom been an unselfish, loving, nurturing, supportive woman that has led an exemplary life providing you with a living example to blossom as a human being? As a child coming from this kind of environment, have you taken these gifts and increased them in your own life, becoming an even better mom then she was? If yes, then her hard work paid off. You accepted her gift, and have in turn, given it back to your family and to your community.

If you believe that your life would have been better if you had not had the mom you ended up with because she was none of those things, then think again. Because no matter how awful your mom was, and may still be, she mirrored the gift of choice. Are you exemplifying her not-so-positive traits, or have you elected to live your life in the opposite? If so, thank your mom for the conflict that has created the person you now are.

If you take the stance, that as an adult, you are 100 percent responsible for your life right now, then let mom off the hook. You are no longer under her power and you, as an adult, have the choice on how you will live your life.

How to Be Grateful for Your Mom, No Matter What

The Irritating Mom – She’s never quite happy with anything you have ever done. She nit picks, she points out the negative, she seems to have the power to dampen your most exuberant mood.

Her irritating nature could very well be considered a gift to you. It causes you to analyze your motives and to learn the power of self-confidence.

The Unforgiving Mom – She’s been hurt and has decided to be angry and to hold on to grudges.

You learn the power of forgiveness by deciding not to be like that. She’s a living example of what a life is like when trust is gone, when you just can’t let go of a wrongdoing. What a gift she has given you. You will not pass this trait of unforgiveness on to your children simply because you see the effects this has on everyone.

The Weak Mom – She’s never stood up for herself. She’s the epitome of a doormat. She lacks self-esteem and has been dependent on someone or something all her life.

You learn by watching how her life turned out that you would not be that woman. You choose to empower yourself and learn how to live your life in the exact opposite way. Without her gift of uncertainty, would you ever find yourself on the path towards learning absolute certainty?

The Abusive Mom – As a child, you were abused. This may have been on many levels, physical, mental, and emotional abuse through physical actions and or verbal.

This mom may never recognize or admit that anything she’s ever done could possibly be considered abuse. Learning how to forgive such things can take a lifetime but learning how to forgive is the gift in this madness.

Even being consciously aware of the need to learn forgiveness is a gift. This consciousness, at the very least, makes the possibility of becoming a forgiving person a reality.

The Lesson of Forgiveness

Forgiving does not mean that you are letting anyone freely walk away from the responsibilities of their actions. As a matter of fact, you don’t have the power to absolve anyone, that belongs to someone much Higher in Authority.

Forgiving a person is not dependent upon that person admitting wrong doing or even waiting for the person to ask for forgiveness. In fact, you can forgive a person without even speaking to them.

You forgive a person, because it frees you. It releases you from the chain of pain. It enables you to move on from the past and live in the present. It creates the opportunity for you to pass on something better to your children, and they to theirs. Regardless of how many generations of ‘crazy’ behavior your family tree produces, just remember. Someone, at sometime, has the power to stop the crazy behavior within his or her own family unit. Someone can elected to choose a different path so that future generations have a chance to be something different. Is that someone you?

If your life was lived in a boat, and each time you decided to judge mom (or anyone else for that matter) your boat collected a barnacle for each judgment, then you may end up not being very sea-worthy simply from the drag of all the barnacles. Forgiving is difficult. Choosing to not pass judgment eliminates the need to forgive.

What kind of a mom will your daughter be? Will she find it in her heart to forgive you? Has she witnessed the example of how you forgave your mom?

As we all celebrate Mother’s Day, lets all admit one thing. We’re not perfect and our mom is not perfect. Let’s then think of how we can take what we learned from our moms and choose to use those gifts to improve our lives, improve our children’s lives, and in turn, create a more nurturing environment wherever we are.

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