Loss is part of everyone’s life. As we age, will likely experience even more losses.
These might include the death of a friend, divorce, ending of a professional career, life changing illness, financial problems or relocating to a new city.
Despite complex issues that will affect all of us one way or another, we often have difficulty navigating through these challenges and supporting others in these situations.
This article offers guidance on coping with the ups and downs of grief and discovering ways to find personal meaning and growth through loss.
Losses can be sudden, anticipated or cumulative. With sudden loss, as when a person dies suddenly, family members often experience feelings of shock and confusion. Unresolved feelings of guilt and anger can overwhelm survivors, and recovery can be difficult.
With anticipatory grief, family members may be allowed to deal with the inevitable and to prepare emotionally for the person’s death. This type of loss is still very difficult for survivors, and they often experience a multitude of confusing and overwhelming feelings.
Grief often has a cumulative quality to it. Whenever we experience loss, we tend to experience anew our previous losses. However, each of these experiences can teach us how to cope better with life’s adversities.
People grieve in a variety of ways. The grief period varies for each individual, and many variables affect the length of the bereavement period. Grief can cause both physical and emotional symptoms—low energy, sleep problems, changes in eating patterns, headaches, distractibility, memory problems, irritability, withdrawal, depression and anxiety.
Individuals often go through various stages during the grief process including shock/denial, depression/isolation, physical symptoms of stress, feelings of guilt and anger, gradual acknowledgement and finally acceptance.
Healthy grief does not always progress in predictable stages and can be unpredictable. Some people seem to move on with their lives relatively quickly while many others struggle for years. Fortunately, most of us probably have a tendency towards healthy grief and recovery and have more resilience then we ever imagined.
Along with educating yourself about the bereavement process, several additional steps can be taken to manage your loss. When dealing with overwhelming issues or feelings, it can be helpful to talk with friends, family, or a clergy member. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Now is a time to let others reach out to help you.
Try your best to get plenty of rest, regular exercise, nutritious meals and keep to a relatively structured routine. These may be difficult to do at first but are important.
Taking time to relax and socialize with friends, family or other supports is also important.
Most importantly, allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, and don’t beat yourself up in regards to your progress. If you continue experiencing troubling emotions or severe depression, anxiety, sleep, or other problems, consider professional help.
Seeking spiritual guidance may also be helpful, and additional support can often be found in Compassionate Friends or similar groups.
If you know a grieving friend, co-worker or family member, try to be there for him or her. Unfortunately in our society of quick fixes, others have unrealistic expectations as to how quickly one moves through the mourning process.
Often, employers expect employees to be back at work within days or weeks of a loss and the attention and help you received initially may wane after a few weeks. Quite frequently, this is when the bereaved needs even more support.
Try to take time to call, visit, and help in some way during the first few months to year. Bringing meals, offering to help with cleaning, errands, childcare and other tasks can be immensely helpful to someone grieving.
Allow the bereaved to talk about their loss and practice good listening skills. Sometimes simply being there and showing you truly care are the single most important and simplest ways you can show the bereaved you care.
About the Author Rebecca Allgeier, LISW is a social worker in private practice with Northcoast Conflict Solutions in Independence, Ohio. She has a special interest in working with older adults and provides counseling, case management services and educational workshops to older adult groups, nursing facilities and hospitals on a wide range of issues relating to aging.
To schedule an appointment for any of these services, you may contact her at 216-262-3700 or visit Northcoast Conflict Solutions A Certified Senior Approved Service
