Elder mediation: A new solution to age-old problems

by Patti Bertschler
(Seven Hills Ohio)

Working with older adults and their caregivers led Broadview Heights residents Dr. John and Patti Bertschler to publish a second book Elder Mediation: A New Solution to Age-Old Problems, © April, 2009.

Eighteen mediators from the United States, New Zealand, Scotland and The Netherlands contributed to chapters dealing with conducting a proper intake, imbalances of power, ethics, mediation styles and building a mediation practice. The first book in 2004, TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors and Organizations, was co-authored by Patti Bertschler and Laurette Cocklin and sold out last year.

"The best part of writing the second book comes from meeting mediators across the world who share a similar peace-making vision for helping families and organizations. Everyone across the globe faces problems as they age, and hearing about the good work of mediators in other countries, states and cultures is very gratifying," reflects Dr. Bertschler.

The Bertschlers own Northcoast Conflict Solutions in Seven Hills where they offer counseling, mediation, and a variety of trainings including how to become a mediator.

Some issues faced by older adults and their families include these examples:

"My 82-year old father continues to drive even though he has problems seeing. I worry he will hurt someone someday."

"My elderly mother doesn’t understand that I don’t have time to visit her as much now that the kids are in high school and busy with school activities. She wants me to do so much for her and makes me feel guilty when I can’t."

"I’m 62, and my father and mother are both 84. The house is getting to be too much for them to take care of, and my sister and I want them to sell and move into a nursing home. My parents refuse to sell or to even discuss the issues."

"Dad isn’t getting good enough care in the nursing home, and I’m thinking of suing them over the last incident."

"Mom has been on a vent for a few weeks in the hospital, and they’re threatening to send her to a nursing home. Our family can’t agree on any end-of-life decisions let alone this one."

Dr. John and Patti hear these and similar stories from family members often unable to provide adequate in-home care for aging loved ones. Caught up in numerous demands on their own time and resources and many still raising younger children, the “sandwich generation”—usually those in mid-life—is often unable to adequately care for their elderly relatives.

As a result, family conflicts become flashpoints between elderly who need care and caregivers trying to balance demands of younger and older family members. In these situations, Elder Mediation provides a fair method of conflict resolution that can be satisfactory to all parties involved. Disputes with hospitals and residential care facilities over family matters are also opportunities for Elder Mediation (EM).

Elder Mediation is a voluntary method of conflict resolution that provides an opportunity for all parties to discuss issues using an independent, neutral third party, a mediator. The mediator facilitates family problem-solving and ensures that all parties are given an opportunity to fully express their thoughts and concerns in a nonjudgmental setting.

Parties themselves work out resolution of the conflict and agree upon final terms. No courts are involved, and decisions are kept confidential. Successful mediations are completed with a win-win for all involved and with an 80-85% success rate (National Care Planning Council, 2008, S. Oliver, 2008).

Nationally, 13% of the U.S. population is over age 65 (Source: US Census, 2001). In some locations, for example in the Parma, OH area, the percentage is closer to 19%. While many seniors maintain their freedom, in many instances some have reached the point where they cannot safely live at home. Scenarios above are played out each day in many families in which decisions required to resolve family disputes could evoke a range of emotions including anger, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, abandonment, and at times, rage.

Most seniors were raised in an era when family members cared for aging relatives in their own homes. Nursing homes existed only for those who were physically or mentally disabled. Older adults today often have a strong desire to remain in their own homes even if they are disabled and have an underlying fear that they will lose everything they have worked for should they be “sent away” to any form of a retirement center, assisted living, or nursing home.

Many older adults may find mediation helpful during real estate planning. Using mediation, seniors, in cooperation with family members, make their own decisions about medical care, housing needs, financial concerns, and distribution of assets and personal items before catastrophic illness occurs. They make decisions about their future with dignity and with knowledge that the family and they are in agreement.

Information about elder mediation and the latest book can be found on Northcoast Conflict Solutions