How Do I Convince My Parents to Stop Driving?

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Have you been trying to convince an elderly loved one to give up the keys and stop driving? You are not alone.

I am writing this article on behalf of the adult children who have called my office or written an email note asking what he or she can do to 'get the keys'.

Please note that age is not the primary indicator of concern with safe driving practices. This is simply to encourage anyone that has had 'near-miss' accidents, fender benders, excessive speeding tickets, and so forth ... to honestly evaluate your ability to drive safely.

Freedom and Independence Behind the Wheel

As we age, more and more of our independence seem to slip away from us. It can feel as though the only true place of complete freedom and independence is when you are behind the wheel. You choose where you are going, how fast you’re going to get there and you don’t need anyone’s help in doing so. As long as the license bureau continues to renew your license, no one can tell you not to drive.

I find that most adult children of aging seniors come to the conclusion that it is unsafe for their loved ones to continue driving for good reasons. Multiple near miss accidents is usually the number one reason. I’ve heard from adult children that while riding as a passenger with you, how you drift lanes, fail to use signals properly, brake too much or too closely, and have run stop signs or traffic lights.

Your children love you and worry for you. And they worry about the other drivers and pedestrians that would be involved in an accident with you. They are concerned about your safety and well-being and they know you would not be able to live with yourself if you caused harm to another human being.

These are all the same concerns that you most likely had when your son or daughter first began driving. I remember distinctly how my stomach felt the first time my 16 year old son backed the car out of the driveway on his way to meet up with friends and show off his brand new driver’s license. It’s that feeling you have while rushing down the first drop of a roller coaster, total and complete fear.

I remember tuning in to the news that day (both the radio and TV) in each room of the house. I went about my business but had one ear listening for a bulletin alert involving a 1980 Mazda.

You always worry about the what-if’s and rightly so with teenagers. An inexperience driver does not have the natural reflexes that you develop after years of successful driving. You, on the other hand, have decades of experience. But can you honestly say that your reflexes, vision and hearing are keen enough to drive safely?

Coming to the conclusion that driving is no longer safe for you is a hard pill to swallow. It doesn’t have to mean total dependence on others but it does take some planning on your part.

Most local communities have public transportation readily available at reasonable fees to get you where you want to go. You might not be able to go exactly when the mood strikes you – but you can get there just the same.

Public Transportation – With a Positive State of Mind

• You get the opportunity to meet new people

• You have time to enjoy the scenery from point A to point B

• You save money on vehicle maintenance, gas and insurance

• You are safe

• You help the environment

I hope that I have the courage to accept the realities of my own driving when the time comes. I would much prefer coming to the conclusion of voluntarily giving up the keys than to have a family feud over the whole thing. I believe that you retain your dignity when you can give up driving on your own accord as opposed to being forced or tricked in to it.

So, if your children have been talking with you about this subject perhaps it is time for you to examine the truth about your driving. Be honest.

Are you safe and is everyone else safe with you on the road?

Resources:

AARP offers resources and quizzes on safe driving for those 55 and over

State by State listing of public transportation services

State-by-State and then county-by-county listings of local Area Agencies on Aging – most offer transportation or recommendations for transportation services

Wonderful book for families is ‘Truce’ written by Patricia Bertschler of Northcoast Conflict Solutions.

Facts

In addition, elderly drivers have more deadly crashes per mile driven than any other group except teenage males.
Source: Fatality Analysis Reporting System (FARS), collected from January 1990 to December 2000 by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

State by State Variances

The states that put restrictions on license renewals do so in a number of ways. Fourteen states (Arizona, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Maine, Missouri, Montana, New Mexico, Rhode Island, and South Carolina) have accelerated renewal periods for people over a certain age.

These periods can vary widely. For example, Colorado requires everyone age 61 and older to renew their license every 5 years as opposed to every 10 years for people under age 61. Illinois has a 4-year renewal period, but the period shortens to 2 years if the driver is between the ages of 81 and 86, and then to 1 year if the driver is age 87 or older.

Six states (Florida, Maine, Oregon, South Carolina, Utah, and Virginia) and the District of Columbia require elderly drives to take a vision test when renewing a license.

Another way states monitor older drivers is by not allowing drivers over a certain age to renew their licenses by mail. Five states (Alaska, California, Colorado, Louisiana, and Montana) restrict mail renewals.

Finally, two states (Illinois and New Hampshire) require a road test if the driver is 75 years old or older.

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