Choosing A Minister

by Rev. Robert F. Kreidler
(Akron, Ohio)

The Initial Phone Call ... It is a rare person who enjoys picking up the phone and asking a stranger to do something. In this case you hope the person on the other end of the call is available the date and time of your wedding. If the answer is "Yes," where do you go from there?

If you are entering into an interfaith union, or neither of you has an affiliation with a local religious group, you’ll want to be looking for an officiant who can serve you well on your special day. Here are some tips that will help guide your conversation and suggest what to ask.

1. Do you like the officiant's voice? A person’s voice is not the only consideration in choosing a minister, but it is important. Is the voice soothing or shrill? Does he or she speak slowly and clearly? Can you understand what is being said? Remember, the officiant is communicating the special words of your wedding ceremony to every single guest.
   
   
2. How flexible is your officiant? Are you free to add your own vows or other special, romantic touches? Do you want a little humor in the ceremony? Even if you don’t know up front what kind of wedding ceremony you want, are you confident that your officiant will allow for changes as the wedding day approaches? Can your officiant work with you to develop a ceremony which honors the religious traditions and beliefs of both families while still speaking meaningfully to the two of you?
   
   
3. What moral criteria does the officiant expect you to meet? If you and your fiance are living together, already have children, are expecting a child, or if either of you have been through a divorce, it is important to tell the prospective officiate your situation during your first phone conversation. If your officiant objects to any of these you may wish to decide if this is the officiant you want.
   
   
4. Is this officiant available to you? Will the officiant be available to talk by phone or in person as questions arise? Can you trust this person with family secrets if you need someone to talk to about personal matters? If possible, find an officiant who is as helpful as you want him or her to be but not overbearing.
   
   
5. How elaborate will the ceremony preparations be? Many officiants have only one ceremony they offer. Be sure you are clear concerning how he or she handles structuring the ceremony. Other officiants have a few simple choices (with the option of you adding some of your own ideas) so you can create the ceremony that most speaks to you. Still others are happy to work with you to design an elaborate, customized wedding just for you. Always ask how long they think the ceremony itself will take; this is critically important information for your facility, photographer, caterer, etc. If you prefer something very simple, let the officiant know up front.
   
   
6. Do you feel taken care of? Do you feel forced to meet a minister’s standards? Remember, the original meaning of the word "minister" is "servant." Is this minister serving your needs on your big day? Are you comfortable in the minister’s presence, or do you always feel like you are hiding things so as not arouse his or her disapproval? Do you feel that you are jumping through hoops to win your prospective officiant's favor?

Trust your instincts. Question the minister and listen to his responses and you will find a minister who is eager to serve you, and your wedding day will be a beautiful one for everyone.

New marriage? Renewing vows? Rev. Robert F. Kreidler is at your service. Visit The Wedding Chaplain or call 330.835.9460