How to be Proactive in Your Loved One's Care" style="border:0px solid black;padding:5px;">

How to be Proactive in Your Loved One's Care

by Barbara Mascio
(Founder of Senior Approved Services)

Proactive Involvement with Your Loved One’s Care

Write it down, write it down, write it down

Purchase either a notebook or a calendar large enough to write notes in it. Keep a running journal – short and to the point.

What to write down:

• The first and last name of each individual person that is interacting with your loved one. The doctor, the nurse, the in home care companion, the nurses aid at the assisted living facility or nursing home, the name of the activity director, the administrator, the cleaning person you pass in the hall, - any one that you meet that has anything to do with the care or is within the near proximity of your loved ones.
  
  
• Learn what the chain of command is. Ask the question, “Should I have a concern regarding my father’s therapy, who are the staff members that I should first speak with?” Followed by: “And if, by chance, this person can’t satisfy my concern, who is the next person in the chain of command that might be able to help me?” Write this down.
  
  
• Now, it may well be that the chain of command has several legs to it. A question regarding therapy has one set of people, a question regarding diet another, and one dealing with activities another. Find out who these people are – before there is a problem.
  
  
• Acquire the names in a polite manner. Introduce yourself, introduce your loved one. Elevate the thinking from – patient number 123 or bed number 106G – to ‘This is my father, his name is ---. My name is ---, I am his daughter. ‘What is your name?’
  
  
• Learn these peoples names and recognize them, ‘Good morning Leslie!’ Try to find something legitimate to say something nice or complimentary about the person.

You are setting the stage of familiarity. You want ‘strangers’ caring for your loved one, to no longer be a stranger. You want them to know that you appreciate their vocation. You appreciate them as a person. They in turn (should) reciprocate by having a higher intent behind all that they do with your loved one.

Even if it’s a person who doesn’t respond to kindness, he or she will at the very least recognize – THAT YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION – to everything and everyone involved in your loved one’s care.

• Each time you’ve called or stopped in and asked a question, presented a concern, etc., briefly jot down the details of your conversation. Write the date and the time and most importantly, the name of the person you spoke with. Why?
  
  You may not get that return call as quickly as you’d hoped. You will then call again to follow up. (write this follow up call or visit down the same way as you did the first time) This way, you can begin with, “Administrator Joe, this is ---, I’m calling you again because I haven’t heard back from you. I called on --- date at --- time and spoke with --- and I was assured you’d get back to me. It is now ---date ---- time, and I would like you to get back to me regarding --- state the issue.
  
  
• Each time a resolution has been promised to you – write it down. Include the date, time, and person’s name. Jot down what they said to you. If, as time unfolds, that this promise has not been kept, you have documented proof of your efforts – their promise – and now you attempt another resolution.
  
  
• Write down other key items as well. Doctor appointments, result of the visit, changes in medication and why and so forth. Just get in to the habit of writing everything down that directly affects your loved one’s quality of life and care. Write it within the same notebook or calendar so that you can quickly and easily refer back to it.

The most important fact, I think, to consider: Once your loved one has begun receiving care from an outside source (in home care, adult day care, nursing home, etc.) stay involved. Don’t announce your visit, just stop in. Be observant. Listen to what your loved one is saying. Pay attention to sudden sadness, isolation, bruising, lack of activity, and loss of weight.

Do not ever feel as though you can’t ask a question – and – expect an answer that you can understand and accept.